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Old 02-17-2009
Canada Bred
Ich Bin Brot
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,696
 Bred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulzBred did it for teh lulz
Default A short story, inspired by DavetheRave

Two officers were sitting in their cruiser outside of the local greasy shack. They were both enjoying the exact same meal; a bacon double cheeseburger and a strawberry flavoured milkshake.

“You know,” said the officer riding shotgun, between bites of his burger, “it’s kind of funny.”

“What’s that, Rookie?” replied the senior officer behind the wheel as he took a long drag from his shake.

“If you’re last name were my first name… I’d have a fuckin’ awe-”

Suddenly the radio cackled to life “Unit 69 do you respond.”

The senior officer groaned, put down his shake and picked up the radio “Yes HQ, this is Lieutenant Dave and Rookie Rave. What seems to be the problem?”

“We’ve got a reported 187 on the corner of twenty-fourth and nineteenth, do you wish to respond?” Lt Dave looked over at Rookie Rave. A globule of hamburger grease had made it’s way from his lower lip, rolled down his chin and was now making a nice stain on his tie.

“Lt… this is my first day on the job… I don’t know if I can deal with a homicide.”

“Listen Rookie, it’s going to have to happen one day. Today just happens to be the day.” Picking up the radio the senior officer replied, “Alright HQ, we’ll check it out. It’s only two blocks south from our current location. I’ll call in forensics if it’s true.” Lt. Dave hung up the receiver and proceeded to drive out of the parking lot.

“What do I expect? I mean how bad is it going to be? I used to get zits you see and I hated looking at those because they were disgusting, LT. DAVE IS IT GOING TO BE AS BAD AS A ZIT!” The rookie was panicking, but immediately tried to regain his composure. He was placed with Lieutenant Dave for this reason, the man was known as being a great teacher for the new cops on the force.

Cruiser 69 pulled up to the corner of twenty-fourth and nineteenth and the two officers disembarked. In front of them was a sealed green dumpster. Rookie Rave began to get the shakes.

“Now listen here Rookie. I know it’s your first day on the force. I know this is your first patrol mission. I know you’ve probably shit yourself three times and can’t wait to get home and massage your anus with your showerhead, but I want you to open that dumpster. You’re going to have to see something like this eventually, now is the time.”
Nodding, the rookie opened his door and got out of the car. He walked briskly over the dumpster, he was determined to impress Lt. Dave. Carefully, he opened the lid and then immediately slammed it shut. Rookie Rave ran to the side of the building next to which the dumpster was located and began violently vomiting up his cheeseburger. Witnessing this, Lt. Dave stepped out of the cruiser and walked over to the dumpster. He opened the lid, peered inside and slammed it shut. Rookie Rave was now curled in the fetal, rocking back and forth in his own vomit. The lieutenant wanted nothing more than to console him, but he knew what he had to do first. Walking over to the cruiser, he picked up the radio.

“HQ, this is Lt. Dave. We’re going to need forensics to come to that probable 187 you called in before. Yah. It’s bad.”

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To Be Continued…
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